Oct. 17th, 2010 09:30 am
jamesh: White, male, with beard and glasses, scruffy. (Default)
Today is day two.

Day one was not terribly pleasant. I wasn't an asshole, but I was steadily more and more irritated throughout shopping. Only seemed to recover from the mood when the drugs wore off. I'm hoping this isn't going to be common behavior.

Psychiatrist seems to think Ritalin is going to effect me the same as it does everyone else, and does not seem to account for ADD metabolism. To him, Ritalin is speed, and as such can only have the one possible effect. The fact that I get mental clarity from it is obviously just a side effect, or perhaps a personal interpretation of what Ritalin does. I sometimes wonder if he thinks the ADD reverse effect from caffeine and sugar is psychosomatic or what. The only reason I am currently on Ritalin at all is because I crammed the option down his throat. Previously, if Strattera didn't work for me (it doesn't) there was no other possible option in his mind. No, ADD is not his particular specialty, how did you guess?

But there are no other options for psychiatrist unless we want to double the price long-term until we can narrow down exactly what substance at what dose.

Sweetie came in with me during last appointment. Psychiatrist didn't like that, although he kept his tone of voice polite enough, which is what I pick up on. I totally missed the snottiness and dismissiveness she caught onto, or not until she pointed it out.

The current plan is to try this dose and then double it at the start of next month, and see if things improve. The last time I tried Ritalin I came to the conclusion that Ritalin just made everything go faster, but not clearer or smarter. I didn't remember what I meant when I was off it, but now I'm beginning to see I was right.
jamesh: White, male, with beard and glasses, scruffy. (Default)
I'm exploring Dreamwidth again. It's developing, but not nearly as quickly as I had expected, and certainly not in any of the directions I would have liked. Still, it's safe, and nice to have a place other than LiveJournal where I can fall to in case LJ decides to go Dark Empire on us all and demand total and unrelenting subservience. I can see it happening.

I am attempting to draw the cats again. Mind you, this is sheer stupidity on my part because once they see you looking at them, they know in their Evil Little Hearts what you are doing, and then they move. So I am getting a lot of half- or quarter-formed sketches of cat faces and cat bodies. And switching back and forth between them as a given cat moves between poses.

The Strattera continues to be interesting. Minor dizziness I am not sure wasn't in force before it came along, blown sleep schedule I am continuing to have trouble taming, and panic attacks if I do not take enough water with the pills. Yeah, Sweetie cannot imagine it is the pills that are giving me the panic attacks, but I just know what I experience. Dry swallowing these things is the worst idea imaginable.

Restless nights, too, meaning I am either up easily until 2:30am, or I awaken at or just before midnight and spend the next three hours lying in the darkness trying to think of something to do which does not involve light or motion.

As a result of this early morning wakefulness, writing has taken off like there's no tomorrow (reflected in the late-night wakefulness as it refuses to shut down at a reasonable hour and let me sleep) and drawing is actually happening.

This brings us full circle to the insane matter of drawing cats. I certainly have enough photos of the furry little suckers, so what I really ought to be doing is clearing out some space in front of my computer for sketching on and then bringing up photos and doing my best with something that is not going to decide on its own to change position again.


jamesh: White, male, with beard and glasses, scruffy. (Default)

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